Today we’re going to talk about failure, setbacks, and disappointment. 

Welcome to being human!

Everybody has failures, setbacks, and disappointments. It’s how you HANDLE THEM that counts!

Here’s the truth – the one thing that you MUST do when you have these things is expel this energy from your body and from your mind.   You can do it by taking a hard walk.  You can do it by some vigorous exercise.  You can do it by writing in your journal or talking to a trusted friend. But you must give yourself a time limit on how long you’re going to mourn the situation.   For example, I give myself 20-30 minutes to mourn the situation. If it’s really bad, then maybe I give myself an hour but then I give myself a reality-check to remind myself that “What I focus on expands”. So, here’s the truth:  Within every disaster there is a seed of something new that can be born if you’re willing to look for it.  If you start to look at the situation as “Ok, maybe the “Universe” (God) doesn’t want me to go in that direction because it’s not in my highest and best good.  Maybe there’s something much better for me if I don’t go in that direction.”  Take that knowledge and start to look for other opportunities.

A number of years ago I worked for a promoter in Canada and did very well with them.  My bookings were full, I made a lot of money and I loved working with these people. One month I didn’t get a check from them when they were always on time. I called them up and they just said they were having some hiccups.  The next month I didn’t get a check.  By the third month I knew something was desperately wrong.  Sure enough they were bankrupt.  I don’t mind telling you that I was deeply disappointed.  My books went from full to almost empty and there was a lot of money I needed to replace very quickly. So, I walked on the beach and AFTER I got rid of the anger, frustration, and victimhood I REFRAMED this and started asking questions because QUESTIONS are the secret of success. 

Here are the questions I asked myself:

  • How can I use this situation and make money from it?
  • What is the benefit of this situation going bad?
  • What are my next steps to benefit from this situation?

Within 24 hours, in the shower of all places (which is a magical place for me with all of that tile and water), I got a “hit” to go call the trustees of the bankruptcy and try to buy the booking company’s mailing list.  They had no idea how much that mailing list was worth! I bought it for a song and hired a couple of the employees from the booking company and started my own company in Toronto (remember, I’m from Virginia Beach, Virginia) with a partner in Canada and we formed Milteer & Ross.  That company minted money!  We made seminars ROCK for Canadian government employees.  I’m telling you it was a phenomenal deal.  I made triple the money because instead of staying depressed and down, I turned the whole thing into a reframing to look for way to make it work for me.

Every day in your life there are going to be disappointments. Get out of victimhood! I know when I say that I am annoying many people who just love to live in victimhood. But remember, LIFE IS A MIRROR.  It’s a reflection of you. When you go into victimhood with thoughts like:

“I’m not worthy.”
“Nobody loves me.”
“Nobody recognizes me.”
“Nobody appreciates me.”
“Everything I touch falls to hell in a handbasket.”

When you’re in the mindset of only seeing things through that filter, you’re only going to attract more of THAT into your life.

Again, THERE IS A SEED OF OPPORTUNITY IN EVERY DISAPPOINTMENT OR “NEGATIVE” SITUATION but you need to give yourself permission to stop the negativity and complaining.  Give yourself a few minutes to expel it out and then start looking for ways to take your personal power back.  You need to realize that complaining is an addiction that keeps you weak and in victimhood.

Since the world is a reflection of you – you need to reframe your thinking towards thoughts like:

“Good things are coming happening to me.”
“I know this has happened for my highest and best good.”
“This is not a reflection of my personal worth or value. It’s just a challenge and challenges can be overcome.”

Start keeping what I call an “Evidence Book.”  In this book write down all of the positive things that come your way.  Even the smallest of things.  Then refer back to this book when you’re having a day when things just don’t seem to be going your way.  This is the perfect negative thinking PATTERN INTERRUPT to get your brain back on track to look for solutions instead of wallowing in the muck and mire of the situation.

This past month I had a huge disappointment.  I had trained someone for six months to be my personal assistant but due to some medical issues that were totally unexpected she had to resign.  For the first 30-minutes I was pretty ticked off, upset, and confused.  But I took it as a sign that I need to look at my life differently.  I asked myself if I really need a full-time, in-my-office assistant OR should I consider other avenues? Maybe a virtual assistant would be enough.  I could then rent out the open offices in my office building and add to my income that way.  What this change has done for me is opened up in my mind a whole new set of questions. Remember – questions are the secret of success.

So, when you have a negative day with setbacks and failures – love yourself enough to let the negative energy out for a short period of time, stop complaining and looking for way to take the negative situation and flip it around to be a stepping stone for something fabulous in your life!