I want you to think about something today that might be a little uncomfortable.
You don’t become what you WANT. You become what you repeatedly DO.
Ouch.
Because I have wanted MANY things in my life that apparently did not get the memo that I wanted them.
We all want to be healthier.
We want to be financially secure.
We want to be peaceful.
We want great relationships.
We want to be organized, productive, confident and spiritually evolved.
And yet wanting something and becoming the person who lives that way are two very different things.
There’s an old personal-development formula: BE. DO. HAVE.
Most people try to reverse it.
“When I HAVE more money, then I’ll feel secure.”
“When I HAVE the opportunity, then I’ll take action.”
“When I HAVE more confidence, then I’ll put myself out there.”
“When everything settles down, THEN I’ll finally relax.”
Good luck with that last one. I’ve been waiting for “everything to settle down” for decades. Apparently, life did not agree to those terms.
The real transformation starts with BEING.
Who are you being every day?
And here’s where it gets interesting. Don’t answer that question based on who you THINK you are. Look at your habits. Your habits are telling the truth.
If I tell you I’m committed to getting healthy but every night I’m having an intimate relationship with a half-gallon of ice cream, my DESIRE may be health—but my HABIT is voting for something else.
If I say I want financial freedom but refuse to look at my numbers because they make me nervous, I’m practicing avoidance, not abundance.
If I say I want peace but spend three hours a day arguing with strangers on Facebook... Well, perhaps PEACE is not currently my dominant identity.
This is why I believe the first step in real transformation is not discipline. It’s OBSERVATION.
Before you change anything, become curious about yourself. Watch yourself for a few days.
What do you repeatedly think about?
Where does your time go?
What do you complain about?
What do you postpone?
What promises do you continually make to yourself and then break?
And just as importantly...
What are you doing RIGHT?
Where are you already showing up as the person you want to become?
Observation isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about seeing yourself clearly. Because once you can see a pattern, you have the power to interrupt it.
Then comes the next step: Change your perception of who you are.
Instead of saying: “I’m terrible with money.”
Try: “I’m becoming someone who pays attention to my money.”
Instead of: “I never finish anything.”
Try: “I am someone who finishes what matters.”
Instead of: “I have no discipline.”
Try: “I’m learning to keep promises to myself.”
Then—and this is the part people sometimes forget—you have to give that new identity some EVIDENCE. You have to DO something. It doesn’t have to be dramatic.
Save the money.
Take the walk.
Make the phone call.
Say no.
Finish the project.
Turn off the television.
Clean the drawer.
Stop texting the person you KNOW you shouldn’t be texting.
Every action is a little vote for the person you are becoming. And the more often you vote for that identity, the more natural it becomes.
Eventually you’re no longer TRYING to be that person. You ARE that person.
This week, don’t ask yourself only: “What do I want?”
Ask: “What am I repeatedly doing—and who is that turning me into?”
And if you don’t like the answer? Wonderful!
You noticed. That means you can choose again.
One new thought.
One different habit.
One better decision.
Repeated often enough that someday you look around and realize:
I became the person I once wanted to be.
And if you’re reading this and thinking, “Lee, I can SEE some of these patterns, but I’m not quite sure how to change them,” that’s exactly the kind of work I do with my private coaching clients.
Sometimes we’re simply too close to our own lives to see what’s really keeping us stuck. Having someone on the outside who can spot the patterns, ask the right questions and help you get clear about who you want to become can change things much faster than trying to figure it all out by yourself.
I’m working privately with a small number of one-on-one coaching clients. So if you’re at a point in your life where you know something needs to change and you’re ready to actually DO something about it, reach out to me at Milteer.com and let’s see if we’re a good fit.
Because wanting a different life is one thing. Becoming the person who creates it is where the real work—and the real magic—begins.
Email me at assistant@milteer.com to take the first step on to this new path of discovery and growth!
Success Really Is an Inside Job,
Lee Milteer
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